present day, present time

hi i don't like twitter or whatever very much so. i'm trying out some sort of new, cool website, that's never existed before

this site is intended only for those 18+

heads up also i reclaim the f slur recreationally so. just a general tw for that

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list of pinocchio-p songs i liek
COMMON WORLD DOMINATION - it hurts, it hurts, it sucks that it hurts, so i can't exactly go against...
LAST CONTINUE - you see, i was manipulated by someone else, and intoxicated by that pair of fake wings
NEE NEE NEE - you aren't listening, but "right, right, right" - you aren't looking, but "oh, is that so?"
NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. EARTHLING - body language doesn't cut it, and telepathy doesn't work anymore...
LONELY UFO - hey, even these memories which have moved me thousands of times, i feel like they were lonely illusions
WEEKLY SHONEN BYE BYE - please look forward to the artist's next production, please look forward to-!
FEAST OF ABSURDITY - ...hey, i didn't order this omelette? ahh, but, well, it's okay - let's eat
ROTTEN HERESY AND CHOCOLATE - the message got passed around, and now it sounds like: Я LALIPAPPALA PAPPAPPALA
ALL I NEED ARE THINGS I LIKE - because if all of humanity could be happy, the rest of the universe would be troubled
NINA - i don't want it! though, if i could keep on having fun living, that'd be nice...
WHATEVER YAMA SAYS GOES - i sing my praises to nihilists, and eat nothing but a5 wagyu, yummy!
GOD-ISH - tiny, tiny, your mind, it's tiny, tiny - lonely because of your genius, so cool, so cool...!

the dog-radio spitting only noise, the fluttering neon bunny girl (11/4/21)

i don't have a ton to say today - i just wanted to share my thoughts about worldbuilding in general as a concept

i recently read this amazing wonderful thread, which is about a worldbuilding project i've seen here and there for the past several years. please go read that thread, it made me instantly fall in love with the world the creator has spent so long working on and it really opened my eyes to a lot of things about worldbuilding

and i kind of want to... i guess, talk and think about some of the worlds i've created! i don't have any that are nearly as rich and detailed as the light era world from that thread, but i think they're interesting, and i kind of want to try and tie them together in a way

OCCAM INTERSTELLAR

OCCAM INTERSTELLAR is probably the universe i've grown the most attached to, but ironically, it has the least amount of real, heavy worldbuilding put into it. the main gist of it is that it's set somewhere in the future - i suppose my lastest project will be dating it in the 2300s - and it's all about space exploration and travel. in this universe, earthlings have developed hyperspace warp drives to cut corners in spacetime and spread across the stars. the Andro-Milky galactic group has been thoroughly populated with satelitte territories, and several extraterrestrial species have come to be known and even befriended.

i wish i had more to give you! i don't know why, but even though i've been living with this place in my head for more or less the last 4 years, i don't have much to say about it... it's not very interesting on its own!

but maybe that's why it's kind of so close to my heart? because it can be anything, really honestly - because it's kind of nothing except the limitless void of space? but also, it's a cozy little AA-class box jumper ship, living quarters the size of a hotel room, a nice big dashboard and enough space for a stowaway or two

it's a road trip, really. i've always liked road trips, being crammed in a car like sardines with people you care about and maybe sometimes even enjoy the company of. you're not having fun, exactly, because there's not a lot to do, but you're not exactly bored

it's a liminal space. you're waiting to get to the place you need to be next, and seeing the landscape around you change is a kind of alchemical reaction - your brain kind of goes somewhere else, but the somewhere else is here, because every single minute you're suddenly somewhere else on the road. maybe that's the feeling at the heart of OCCAM

ANWOOD CITY

Anwood City (pronounced like "on-wood") is where i put my cyberpunk worlds. you could probably make a good argument that Anwood City can exist at the same time as OCCAM, just on Earth instead of across its satellite territories. but Anwood City isn't exactly a place you want to live, not really

it's a single city-state that covers much of North America, spanning more or less between Edmonton and Mexico City. it used to be that Anwood City was just another city in the United States, then its own county, then a state, and now it's basically a country in its own right

long ago - if we're placing it in the same continuity as OCCAM, after much of the spacefaring terrestrials would have left the planet already - Anwood began using an experimental neural network to try and predict things like weather patterns, crime, accidents, etc. neural network technology is many times more powerful at this point than in our world; the Oracle, as the program is called, usually makes false predictions, but several of its predictions do come true with alarming specificity

the extremely well-funded Oracle Service set up to maintain and refine the Oracle program became more and more powerful. out of all five services in Anwood - the others being Medical, Processing, Recreation & Welfare, and Security - the Oracle Service eventually became the seat of power for all of Anwood, with the Oracle making all the decisions

the trouble is, Anwood is fucked. the Medical Service puts each and every citizen in insurmountable debt, the Processing Serivce is subject to its own unruly bureaucracy, the R&W Service only cares about propaganda and joy enforcement, and the Security Service is constantly chasing specters of Radicalism within its own ranks, fighting a war against itself. meanwhile, a handful of metacorporations are vying for control of the city

in essence, this world is a way for me to be pessimistic and imagine what new horrors await us in the oncoming years. beacuse though i said you could make the argument that Anwood City takes place in 2300, it seems to me more like 2100, or even sooner - a world where the government is controlled by tech bros and bureaucrats, a paranoid Neo-Red Scare runs wild, and it's all so painfully normal. this is the world we would rebel from if we knew what the world was supposed to be, but i don't even know if i'm interested in rebelling against this world - i think the more interesting story to tell, for me, is the story of the people who find a way to be okay in spite of it all

in case you were wondering, Anwood City is transparently a modification of Alpha Complex, from the game PARANOIA. it originally came out of a cyberpunk hack of PARANOIA that had the Computer as a neural network, which i never released

BLACK SAND

there's a project i've outlined - it really is a tragic story, and i should share it sometime, but i haven't got the time - and it's all about someone doing the same thing, over and over again, hoping for a different result this time

and what i was kind of wondering, is what if this is also a story about a revolution? what if the revolution is snuffed out, every time, and comes back, over and over again

and i realized that if this one person could just change their mind, once - losing the one they love in the process, of course - but if they could just change one thing then the revolution would succeed

and so that's what Black Sand is. it's the capital city of an unnamed nation, which gradually becomes the nation itself. (maybe Black Sand later becomes Anwood City?)

but the thing is, every couple of generations, there's a giant riot. and the riot is always led by two people, against their oppressive government which is headed by a man who promised to change things but who became bitter and jaded. and one of the revolutionaries is always struck down by the tyrant, and their comerade always whisks them both away, into the future, into a dream where it could all work out next time

so it's basically about past lives, reincarnation. i think that Black Sand, as a city, is kind of like a haunted house. in the same way that a haunted house is possessed by the trauma it witnessed, pantomiming that pain over and over, so too is the city of Black Sand. the conflict was never really resolved - the revolutionary never dies, the comrade never leads the rioters to victory, but the tyrant doesn't truly stamp out the revolt, only tamp it down to be ignited again later

and i think in a lot of ways, Black Sand is a city in arrested development. the technology changes - the story i planned for it envisions it as fluctuating between a sort of Biblical time period and the cyberpunk future, so maybe it really is proto-Anwood - but the landmarks, the people, everything always repeats somehow. there's nothing new here. maybe that's something

EARLY CONCLUSION

i didn't realize how much energy this would take out of me, so, i'm cutting this short. maybe i'll continue it tomorrow. bye!

do you want me to give up those songs - for you, i'd give up all of those songs (10/30/21)

so - this has been my third try at writing this blog post! i had some weird computer issues a while ago that made my computer crash for whatever reason? (i think i fixed it, i just needed a new SATA cable...)

i wanted to kind of share what sorts of projects i've got rattling around in my head, whether they're actively being worked on or simply ideas for future things to do

my hope is that by posting about them here, i'll be more encouraged to actually do work on them!

XMERA. this is my most "major" project on the backburner right now - a tabletop rpg about old internet, furries, and escapism. i've got the system sort of figured out, mostly, and the only thing i need to do to it is fine-tune it and then add content; i'm thinking i'll release the basic system as a small zine, and then later on as i build onto it, i'll make a "big box" release

detention. speaking of ttrpg stuff, i still do want to add onto my kind of old one-page rpg detention! similar to with XMERA, i think that i'll continue to build on it and then release a big book including a bunch of modules. the cool thing i'd like to do with detention is to allow you to mix-and-match with the different supplements depending on what you care about. don't care about school popularity, but you do care about weaponsmithing and chase scenes? great! you can include only the modules you want to, and leave the others out

fashion zine. i can't stop thinking about drawing a bunch of characters in cool outfits!! i'm not very well-versed in fashion, but it seems like a really fun thing to do. maybe in the future i'll be asking around for fursonas to add to this?

flat forever. this one is a more nebulous idea... i've been kind of meditating a lot on the midwest lately, so maybe i'll congeal thouse vague feelings into a semi-autobiographical comic? i'm not so sure about whether or not i'll do this, but it seems like it could be cathartic, if not meaningful or important

oc page rehaul. i was thinking about it, and it might be better to have my ocs be put on separate pages grouped by "universe"? since i kind of envision a lot of my ocs as existing in separate continuities, though not necessarily in different universes - like for instance, i think crater probably exists in the same universe as reggie and boscoe, but they don't really interact since crater is a delivery driver in outer space. so i might do something like that, and style each of my oc pages differently to reflect their individual continuities/groupings

that's all i really had for today, but i also want to make more updates, since i kind of stopped for a bit... i'll try to continue making daily blog posts whenever i can! it's just sort of hectic around here lately since i moved back, and i'm probably going to be getting an apartment here soon... in any case, i'll see you guys around! ^^

i've been in your cage 400 days, so why would i listen when you say (10/27/21)

so... it's been a minute, huh?

i don't have any huge updates to make right now! i moved back up north (for your information, i live about an hour or two away from the canadian border!) and that took me several days. and now i'm home and it turns out my bedroom is being used as a home office, so i've been trying to rearrange it and make it usable as my bedroom as well...

but i'm back! i may end up writing a longer blog post later today, in case i think of anything really interesting to say, but for now i just wanted to let you guys know that i am in fact Alive

in my aimless, aimless, aimless sobriety (10/19/21)

not a terribly eventful day, other than the fact that i've been procrastinating packing all my stuff up to leave for too long and will have to hurry up and get it done tonight...

i leave on friday to go back up north! i have a lot of mixed feelings about it but ultimately i think it's going to be good

as soon as i get a job again - on the subject of which, i'm supposed to be getting a call to possibly interview at a company a friend works at soon - i'll probably be moving in with an irl friend

in a way, i'm happy that i'm leaving my current situation - it's gotten to be a lot, and i just think going back home is the right choice for now. but at the same time, i was really optimistic about this move, so going home again kind of feels like admitting defeat...

i think i just need to reframe it. i'm not admitting defeat per se, i'm making non-linear progress

anyway, i kind of want to make a kind of zine thing page... i'm thinking maybe i'll do a page with my fursona (or maybe other people's sonas too?) in a bunch of different outfits, like a webcore lookbook. my style has been feeling really stale and lifeless to me lately, so i'm hoping that working on that will reinvigorate me! i know that working on this site has certainly made me feel a lot more creative and interested in web design + stuff like that than i ever have been before

don't be surprised if you don't hear from me at all this weekend, i'll be travelling cross-country! :3

appealing only cause they're just that unappealing (10/18/21)

so the most important announcement i have today is the creation of furryring, a webring for new old web furries to connect with each other!

i wrote about this before but i really think that twitter, tumblr, even furaffinity etc are all either unhealthy, actively hostile towards things furries make, or ethically questionable in their practices. i would love to see a new furry fandom grow via personal sites and the like, so as to undo the damage wrought by these toxic platforms

and in any case, i've been having way too much fun running this site and building it and whatnot. so i definitely want to share the love!

in other news... i did eventually finish watching lain. and then a couple of youtube videos explaining all the themes and story beats i failed to pick up on while watching lain. one thing i don't necessarily enjoy, though - people characterize lain as being inhuman, more-than-human, etc etc, but i think part of the point of the show is that lain is, in fact, just a little girl

like, maybe she did originate in the wired, and maybe it was deus who gave her a physical form. but i think by virtue of having her body, of making a form in the real world, she became human. i think that one of the themes of the show is how everyone wants so much from lain, and is so obsessed with her, and all she really wanted was a genuine human connection. and one of the great successes of the show is how it predicted a lot of the issues we go through today

one thing that's touched on is that children have more latent psi than adults do, and i think that's really important to understanding some of the things that serial experiments lain is doing. children were used and exploited in KIDS, and then again by the knights. speaking of the knights, they even recruited a child because they knew that he would be able to get closer to lain. and finally, they elevated lain to this messiah-like figure who would thrust humanity forward into a new era of development. but lain is also just a kid who loves people and loves being human

and that resonates with me so much. i think a lot of the messages that kids and teens born in the 90's, even into the early 2000's were that they're the internet age, they're the future, they'll thrust humanity into a new cyber utopia. but all we really want is connection. see? my heart... it's beating. you're cold, but yours is too, lain.

aaagh i didn't mean to turn this into a lain mini-essay... it was just a really great show!!

https://midbyte.tumblr.com/post/665323428186931200

am i pretty enough to love back? no, not yet (10/17/21)

i've been watching serial experiments lain today... i never actually finished watching it the first time around, embarassingly, but i think if i binge it all in one go i'll be able to do it

although my internet has been kind of spotty today also :(

i've kind of been thinking a lot about changing up my art style? but it's weird because the art that i kind of really admire, and that i think is more interesting to create, is exactly the opposite of the kind of thing that is widely marketable to furries

one example of an artist i really like in this way is nextel. his stuff occasionally touches on abstract sort of grungy vibes, with a focus on typography and graphic design that i think adds a lot of cool aesthetic flourish...

but i know that if i did stuff like that, it wouldn't get nearly as popular as the stuff that i do which is more realistically rendered and lush and whatnot!!! so it's difficult

anyways, in terms of the site, i did actually go ahead and start work on that characters page, but it's still under construction and likely will remain that way for a while. i already kind of want to change some things about it...

also, i've been thinking about making my own webring? i think it would be a fun exercise, if nothing else. there's a tool i found called onionring which makes it easier to create a webring - it's not automatic, in that i still would have to add people manually to the whitelist, but for my purposes that's actually better?

i think the last thing i wanted to mention was this artbook by bayboy, which is just really fucking cool and if you haven't looked at it yet, please go do so. josh is one of my favorite artists in the furry scene right now, their style is so cool and unique and interesting

actually, this is the real last thing, i wanted to shout out this zine by marlo mogensen... it's just got impeccable vibes all around

i've been enjoying writing daily blog posts like this, just kind of talking about my life and my projects and things... although i'm sure that nobody's really paying them that much mind, it feels good to put something out there! it feels more satisfying, in a way, than just writing in a journal or tweeting into the void.

in any case, that's all i have for you for now. xoxo

https://sillyzawa.tumblr.com/post/665263437796048896

more furries should use neocities (10/17/21)

i think that neocities is like, kind of the perfect platform for furries?

i think the main problems that furries have on most platforms are algorithms, control, and normies

and i kind of think that neocities is the perfect solution to all of those problems at the same time, on top of being free and a few other reasons

as far as algorithms go, there are zero, unless you count the websites bar on the main neocities page (which i don't). most of the time when you come across new content, it's because somebody else had already put it out there for you to find... like they have a button linking to someone else's site, or a page of interesting links, or whatever, but not because neocities just Decided you'd like to see something in particular. and it's because it wouldn't really work on a platform like this... my content can't be supressed because this is my site, whether people see it or not is irrelevant to whether it's available to be seen

that dovetails nicely into the like control element. i can post whatever the fuck i want here. i can put porn in my gallery and not worry about whether or not it will get taken down, because it's literally mine. i have full control of the content. likewise i never have to worry about hate speech on my page, or misinformation, or things like that, because i'm the only one with the keys to the castle. and it also means that if i don't like someone, instead of having to block them and everyone who follows them, and mute their name on my tl or whatever, i can just

not? go to their site lol

the final point is normies, which is maybe better expressed as "culture". neocities, in particular, engenders a very cringecore culture - that is, a nostalgia for the earnestness of the early 2000s internet, which has stopped existing since and may never truly exist again. this earnestness, this zeitgeist of the oughtsweb, is the exact place that furries live by our nature, because being a furry is a very cringe thing to do. and if we could build a bigger and stronger community here, instead of relying on major social media sites, i think we could be a lot happier? just living in our little cringe bubble of the internet in peace, where we can all say "emo wolf so cool" and agree with each other. the normie community that does exist on neocities is mostly furry-neutral it seems, and again, we simply do not have to engage with them

i don't really know where i'm going with this! i want to end it with a call to action, but i don't have the reach or influence to make changes in the furry fandom

a few things i would like to see happen on here: it would be nice to have a furry version of districts or something like that (particularly one that's friendly to nsfw content ;w;), and it would also be nice to see a furry webring come into existence because i think the idea of that happening is. so poggers. also, we should collectively figure out a protocol for displaying art from other artists that we like...

haha wow i've only just realized how much i'm writing about being a furry and unironically liking being a furry... it feels a little embarrassing, but in a freeing way. i really like this community and i think it's done a lot to help me out in terms of self-expression and self-actualization in the past several years, so i just think it would be cool to see it flourish in healthier soil!

searching for various iroiro which can't be seen

good morning is used at the time of farewells

and goodbye = see you

and then as it was time for the sun to go to sleep

you appeared in my dream!

colors pile up, aah.

gay ass bottom of the page

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